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Home echoes emptiness, lacking the vibrancy and warmth it once held. A sense of melancholy and loneliness penetrates through me ferociously as I open the front door. Mom’s voice saves me from drowning in the pool of memories. “Ethan, Pizza for dinner?” asks Mom. I have no appetite, but I nod yes, thinking Evan would have loved pizzas for dinner. While unpacking my stuff, I feel an urge to go into Evan’s. Being on the verge of tears, I try to control myself and calm down.

A week of emptiness slipped away in silence. Back at the psychiatric hospital, my mind was occupied with my daily routines. Now that I am back at home, I have nothing to do but wander around with my train of thought. Mom is mostly at work. She always suggests going out with friends or visiting grandma. But, I find comfort in staying indoors.

A terrifying dream wakes me up from my afternoon nap on the living room’s sofa. This is the first time the occurring nightmare reappears. 3:23 p.m. I sigh heavily. Excruciating memories resurface. It was 23 March, the day Evan passed away right in my arms in a hiking accident. Tomorrow is our 17th birthday. Despite being twins, Evan and I are complete polar opposites. Evan was an optimistic person who always saw the good sides of every situation. He was the only person who understood every part of me, even so much better than Mom. On our birthdays, we would lie on the rooftop and stargaze until midnight.

At night, sleep embraces me amidst my ocean of tears. My sound sleep is disrupted by an abrupt banging sound. 3:23 a.m. BANG! Another one. It is coming from the rooftop. I know I should not get out and check, but something is forcing me to do so. Step by step, I make my way to the rooftop. The night sky is magnificently adorned with shining stars. Unexpectedly, Evan calls out my name, lying down at our stargazing spot. Silence takes over me. Then, he holds my hands and instantly, we are soaring among the stars. I keep whispering to myself that it’s just a hallucination. Evan laughs off and convinces me that I am actually meeting him. Then, he gives me a bracelet made of 8 gemstones. Sorrow and ecstasy have a tug of war in my heart.

After talking for a while, a surge of curiosity prompts me to question him about the afterlife. “What’s it like being there? Do heaven and hell really exist?” I ask. Evan hesitates. “It’s worse than that. You won’t even understand if I explain it,” he answers quietly after some moments. “All I can tell you is to enjoy every moment on earth while you have the chance.” As I look at him, Evan starts to vanish into ashes. I scream with tears as I fall down from the sky.

I wake up with sweats to the sunlight. It feels so real to be a dream. I let out a soft sigh. As I get out of bed, I sense a cold feeling on my wrist. It’s the gemstone bracelet Evan gave me last night. I can still hear his words clearly. I get lost in my thoughts about death. What saddens me the most is I do not know what Evan might be going through in the afterlife. He sounded terrified. Mom interrupts my pensive mode with “Happy Birthday, Ethan!”, holding a cake in her hands. I want to tell her I met Evan last night, but she would just send me back to the hospital. So, instead, I give her a soft smile.