A Palpable Ache

Priscilla Lee

by Priscilla Lee

Story

I’m convinced that there’s a gaping hole in my heart that’s in the shape of you. It eats away at me, aching for your return.

So I went to the doctors for some aid, but they told me it’s all just in my head, that my heart is full and complete, or I’d already be dead.

But if that’s the case, then why do I still feel this palpable ache growing inside of me?

In the dead of night, I awoke to find a void had crawled into the crevices of my chest, devoiding me of any and all emotions.

I welcomed it at first, this new-found feeling of nothingness, preferring it over the pain.

But with every passing moment, I’ve come to find it spreading its hold on me, taking over my entire soul and body.

I am now one with the void, and I’m terrified I’ll never be able to escape it. I’m terrified I’ll never be able to feel again.

What if this is it? What if things don’t ever get better? What if I can never outrun you or my sadness?

What if? What if? What if?

Two seemingly insignificant words, when paired together, eat away at me, insidious and callous.

Avoid it all you want, but no matter what you do, the feelings will eventually creep in and demand to be felt.

It is impossible to avoid, much like bumping into old friends in a small town, and it is impossible to get out, just like the smell of cigarette smoke that still lingers long after.

Most days, I am still feeling it — this ache, but maybe, for people like us, it’s just never meant to fully go away. There will always be a void in us that will never be filled.

But on some days, your heart forgets it’s broken, the weight of the world feels a little lighter and you laugh a little harder.

Maybe one day, that’ll be enough.

© Priscilla Lee 2024-08-14

Genres
Novels & Stories
Moods
Dark, Emotional, Reflective, Sad
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