After Hours

I thought I almost died in my dream again.
Seeing you. 
Dying.
In my hands all this tiny little pieces of your heart. Peaces I broke. Peaces for which I am responsible for. I was fightin’ for my life.
Fighting for my life to put your heart together and lay it into your bloody chest.
I feel my heart racing, hearing my heartbeat in my ears.
Tears in my eyes. On my cheeks.
Falling down and mixing with your blood.
I couldn’t breathe.
Again.
The oxygen won’t come into my lungs.
I thought I would die.
Die with your broken heart in my hands.
I’m fallin’ in too deep.
Falling too deep into these thoughts.
Falling in my own mind.
And I don’t know how to stop.
I don’t know how to end this.
Because it makes me go crazy.
Doesn’t let me think clear.
You.
This is all I can think about while I’m falling.
So without you, I don’t wanna sleep.
I don’t wanna sleep alone in the dark night, falling and dreaming about you and me dying.
Regretting what I did.
´Cause my heart belongs to you.
And it always will.
It always has.
And now… without you, here in my room alone.
My heart hurts.
It hurts that you are no longer by my side.
And I don’t know how to fix it.
I don’t know.
I would do anything.
Anything to reverse time.
Anything to make you come back to me.
I’Il risk it all for you.
I’ll risk my whole being for you.
My body, my soul.
Just for you to forgive me.
Just for you to come back and sleep by my side and save me from these dreams.
I want you next to me.
I wanna feel your body against mine.
Wanna feel your skin, your warmth.
Wanna smell you.
Feel you under my fingertips.
I just want you being by my side again.
Because without you it feels like a dark hole is next to me.
Like a giant part is missing. 
And I promise you.
I promise you with everything… this time I won’t leave. 
This time, I’ll never leave.
Never.       
Your body next to me.
This is all I ever need.
Wanna feel you close to me. 
But it’s just a memory.
Just a memory in my head.
But sometimes, sometimes there are moments where I think I still can feel your touch on my skin.
Sometimes I think you are just behind this door, maybe sitting in the kitchen, laying on the sofa.
And I just can go out of this room to you.
But then I remember that this is not real. 
So again, I’m fallin’ in too deep.
Without you, I can’t sleep.
Insomnia, relieve.