mom

Sina Buitkamp

by Sina Buitkamp

Story


That simple phrase struck me
right at my core and knocked the breath
out of my lungs for a second.
The accuracy may be clear as day,
but finding that acceptance in me
feels like an impossible task.
I don’t want to let you go yet.









I would’ve never chosen to walk this earth without you. So here I am, years later, given no such choice, but having to live its consequences.

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder, what were your hopes and expectations for me? Am I able to fulfil them? What would you have wished and worked for?

Who
would you be?









In a few days it’ll be that day again. And I’ll have to face once more that you’re gone. That day enhances the loss, though I carry that feeling with me every day. It depends on my mood how it influences me, my behaviour, my day, but it’s always there, showing me how much I love and how much I miss you.

But this day is something special. There was a beginning and there was an end; this is the day of the end. On both days the sadness used to drown me, but it’s been getting easier. Is this the acceptance I’ve been yearning for?

Now those days remind me that you were here, and that you’ll always be with me in my heart. Each breath of mine is dedicated to you. And I hope I make you proud. I try to be strong and move in my own pace on my own way of life. All whilst I endure your absence; waiting for someone who won’t be you, but someone who will let me move, someone who will understand me, someone who might even share the same passions as me, but someone who won’t judge me for anything, who won’t judge me for loving and missing you.

© Sina Buitkamp 2023-08-29

Genres
Novels & Stories, Spirituality
Moods
Emotional, Hoffnungsvoll, Reflektierend, Traurig, Inspiring
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