Pregnant with death Chapter 3

Aylin Akca

by Aylin Akca

Story

Wednesday

19.

No one will claim the pain in your heart; you feel it, why are you afraid of death? Shit, I don’t know. I’m disgusted with myself because I was once afraid of death.

When they asked me to be a suicide bomber, I said “Yes” excitedly.

It seemed good to die to get rid of the death I feared.

Has death ever seemed beautiful to you? Have you ever been so ugly? I like death.

Do you understand?

I only liked death.

It was the only one that would accept me. And the cell leader who wanted me to be a suicide bomber was the man I was in love with.

I was there because I loved him.

Maybe he’d love me. No, I couldn’t do otherwise.

Even if he didn’t love me, I wanted him. Just smelling him when he walked past was enough for me.

But he didn’t even look at me after he found out I was a raped woman.

He didn’t even look at me that morning when he told me I was going to be a suicide bomber, even when he said a bunch of nice words.

He didn’t even look into my eyes when he gave the order that sent me to my death.

The man I loved did not look into my eyes.

I couldn’t say “No” to him, but he said “No” to me. I couldn’t say “No” to death, and death never said “No” to anyone.

Now I hate the man I loved. Now I hate everything.

Now everything looks like a bomb that will explode at any moment; I am afraid to look at the world!

© Aylin Akca 2024-05-11

Genres
Novels & Stories
Moods
Dunkel, Emotional, Reflektierend, Traurig, Angespannt