The Rabbit’s Hole

Mother Tongue

I wonder when
In the trajectory
I lost my mother tongue
Maybe it was when I was ten
When I learned that love is patience
And my mother had none

I wonder when
I lost my ability to speak
To not be scared or afraid to weep

I wonder when my mother swung
She knew I’d learn to bite my tongue
And accept my body as a vessel
For someone else’s pain or fun

Drink me, eat me

Did I ask in the wrong tone of voice?
Should I have whispered when I spoke?
Should I have put it gentler?
Made myself more digestible?

Was I wrong
To grow a couple inches taller?
Did I not already shrink myself?
Trying to climb the hill
You were willing to die on?

Fatherhood

If fathers are made to care
Well then, I guess you got none left to spare
For the products of your sins

And yet I thank God
For not giving you a son
Because lord knows if you did
You’d run that boy into the ground.