Until you Change

There you are! I can see you clearly. Through all the storm clouds I live in. You shine- Shine like the sunshine I always wanted to chase. So warm and bright. I nearly need to protect my eyes, since they are only used to darkness. You are not the first to find me, but the first to look twice. And you make me feel like you care, like you understand where I am coming from. You on the other hand, you know about the world. You have seen it. And you promise to tell me about her, about living. You offer to take me with you. Out of the clouds and into another adventure. You will show me the world? I earn your smile for an answer. Me. Really, me?

To something new, something far away. Something you have already experienced. So I take your hand, I hold it tight. I might fall without you. I don’t know how steady my feet can be. I have never used them before- Have forgotten not only how to run but also walk. I need you to keep me upright, to shield me from the storm I might face. Please keep me safe, I beg. You smile down at me. Your chuckle vibrates deep in my guts. It shakes something awake. Something I thought I had not in me. Not anymore. A thought of virtue. A sparkle of boldness. A glimpse of hope. I will try. So let’s go! Let’s see what life has to offer. I want to know. I so desperately need to know. I want to fly. Finally. So I take a step, I make a leap. And I spread my wings, unfold them bit by bit. I feel their might, feel their potential. I can do it. They will take me wherever I want to go.

But you cut them down. Press me to wait to prepare first. Oh yes, you are right! That is important. I would have nearly lost my head again. Just as my parents had always nagged me about. You are right. Let’s wait. The world will be there tomorrow as well. So we sit and you smile down at me again. I am a good girl, you say, and my heart flutters. Because finally someone sees it- finally someone acknowledges I am a good girl and you see it. I behave. I do as you say. I am not too much. Yes, I give my best and you praise me for it. You hug me, wrap your arms around me. And you hold me, you protect me. From the cage my parents had built around my hopeful soul. From other people not wanting the best for me. From a world full of evil. From my own dreamy mind. So we lie down. I am still in your arms. You keep me there while your voice serenates me to sleep. And I dream of the life, the life I will have with you: full of adventure, full of sunshine and freedom. While I hope. While you hold me in your arms and keep me there.

Until I forget that your smile never offered to really actually show me the world to see with my own eyes.