We will be perfectly okay

1.Chapter

Trains

The train door is stuck. I rattle it, trying not to look too distressed while I do so, since I desperately want to avoid anyone noticing me and therefore feeling the need to offer help. You have already noticed. You’re suddenly standing behind me, I didn’t hear you coming. And, of course, you ask me if I need help. No, I say. You’re sure? You don’t wait for me to answer. You gently put your hand on my shoulder and push me aside, then firmly grasp the door handle and pull it open with a jerk. Thank you, I mumble, staring at my fingernails, one of which has become infected again as I’ve chewed the nail down almost to the sole. I wanted to get in anyway, you say with a nonchalant smile. I nod silently, trying not to let on that it bothers me, that I had hoped to have a compartment to myself. That in fact I had spent almost twenty minutes looking for an empty compartment. You step aside and make a slight gesture with your head. You go in first. I walk past you but then involuntarily turn around a split second later. I can see you closing the compartment door behind you quietly and over-cautiously, realizing that some of the passengers in the other compartments next to us are probably already asleep. You are trying not to wake anyone. You can tell I’m watching you and smirk. Night trains are extremely overpriced, you imply. That’s presumably the reason why most people prefer to take this one instead, hoping to get at least a few hours‘ sleep. We really shouldn’t get in their way, you say, raising your eyebrows – almost playfully. Under the dim light the dust hanging in the air is visible. I no longer have the willpower or stamina to continue my search for compartment to myself, so I decide that I have to share this one with you. I can only see you out of the corner of my eye, but I know your gaze rests on me. I’m waiting for you to look away. You don’t. I wait for a few seconds more, hesitating, but eventually I decide to stare back in the hope that you’ll stop. You don’t. So there we are, half an hour after midnight, sitting opposite each other in this dusty train compartment, on the brown, well-worn leather seats, staring at each other. This situation seems to be more uncomfortable to me than it is to you. In fact, I seem to be the only one who feels uncomfortable. Slowly but surely, you start to grin outrageously. I can’t figure you out, you’re irritating me. The only thing I know is that I don’t have a clue why you’re looking so deeply into my eyes, as if you see something in them, something special, something other than what they were- just a pair of eyes.