Sitting in my room, your songs on repeat. Dancing through my empty heart, filling my veins with words you once wrote, replacing the beat of my life. Meant to find me. At least that's what I'm telling myself.
Wet paper, shaking hands, words escaping my soul, they try to find you. Desperate longing, desperate failing. I'm at a point where I am afraid of myself. Unpredictable and dangerous.
Always thought you bring out the best side of me, helping me to discover my true colors. A lie. Look at me now. Ready to cross several borders, there is no limit, rules don't apply to my feelings. No way out, my soul already belongs to you.
Laying on the cold floor of my gray room, your voices filling the cracks. Although the world hurts me, destiny sent me you. She sent someone I had never met, but why do I feel as if I know you?
My tired mind is searching hopefully for something to hold on to. The ropes in my bruised hands, clenching around impossibility. Tell me, when I leave this place, will you be there? Will you hold my strings, the shards that I lost long ago?
Chaos, fear and pain crushed me against the past that never left, against the future that will never be. Losing it again, all scars are open. Don't think they have ever healed. I covered them with patches so that I didn't have to see or face them. Running away from going insane.
Can you take my hand and lead me to you?
Can feel you, but dense fog is stealing sight. My hand catching air, you're gone.
Again on my knees, failing to reach you. Constantly trying to escape, but I also know it's wrong. Is there a future for us? Is it just my lonely self trying to fool me? Searching for a reason, but finding you instead. Impossibility is killing me more than anything could ever do.
What am I supposed to do? Would rather die in this illusion than wake up and open my eyes in the dark. That's how it is, this is the only thing waiting for me, holding me tight, enticing me to wake up: darkness is waiting, already dead.
Don't think I can endure it without you. I don't think I can do that, living I mean. Just let me hear your voice, just show me your face, your presence is all I want.
All I need.
All I crave for
and will search forever.
© Anna Vuletic 2022-08-31