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By the sun, moon, wind and rain

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By the lonely sun that disappears alone every night. By the moon rising high, shining differently next to the stars. So I am continuously trapped in a cycle.

Between the wish to blend in and be seen, I feel confused while choosing a side. Is the decision even up to me? The world's stream is trying to wash me away in an unknown direction, undiscovered waters.

How long can I keep up avoiding time?

Lonely and forgotten, fading and immaterial.

My words get lost when explaining my pain. I can't catch their meaning, a never calming fountain of helplessness. Everyone just sees themselves, as if they are the main character of every persons story. Guess I am the only one standing here and feeling everything. There are no exceptions. My senses couldn't stop wandering, was made to see more, was gifted to bring them ease, to offer myself. There's nothing in return.

They cover my own needs and I know it is fatal, but can't cut the connection. Like a charging station, they reach out to refill their battery. Searching, finding and leaving. And me? Empty. Drained of suppressed feelings and thoughts, nobody wants to listen.

By the lonely sun that disappears alone every night. By the moon rising high, shining differently next to the stars. So I am continuously falling deep.

The frozen expressions wander around, looking in despair for recognition while losing the reason. They seem to follow the same, but can't see purpose. A confused stream running along fixed routes. Urge to find attention, but don't want to stand out, stand up, leave the routes.

Who's going to break the wall, leading the wave?

Afraid.

Trembling alone, not knowing what to do, should I blend, should I keep being outside. Dipping my toes in the river, twitching back, it's too cold to stay inside any longer. Can I even choose the path?

By the lonely wind, blowing through time and room, by the pouring rain, hitting the ground harder and harder. Will I reach the destination, or search forever?

© Anna Vuletic 2022-08-31

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