I was called selfish today, by someone who cares about me very much! This hurt a lot. It cut deep inside my core. The one thing I have never wanted to be was selfish. And perhaps she was right, I was being selfish, very, very selfish.
Does a woman let go of a drowning man, knowing that if he survived, he would have to suffer the consequences ? Does a father leave his sleeping children in a burning house to save himself, knowing if they survived, they would live a life of hospitals, pain and suffering? No, you say, definitely not! Whether they suffer or not, you make sure they survive! You try to save them, do anything in your power to make sure they live!
So why am I expected to let go now?
He is in pain, is tired, and very ill.
I feel his pain, hear him suffering and know it's time to let go, but I can't. I want him to survive, to stay alive, to fight! But he is old, very old, and he has lived a full life, you say! I know, but I want more, just one more day, one more month, one more year.
I need more time before I can say my goodbyes forever. Likewise, I don't want him to suffer, don't want him to cry, but making him hold on for me is selfish. I have been taught to hold on, to survive, but never learnt to let go …
Just a few more moments
Just a few more calls
Just a bit more laughter
Just one more tear
Just one more story
Just one more hug
Just more …..time !
© Carla 2022-10-10