Loving is easy. It's warm, welcoming, and addicting. Like everything in the world, it has its dark sides. However, the animalistic feeling of love is easy. Everyone craves it. The delicious feeling of intimacy, the warmth of closeness. All these and more are things we need and can find easily if we know how to look.
Hating is difficult. The word is often used in a casual tone. Throwing around the word like we really mean it. But we don't. The majority of times, the word is used as a synonym for dislike. The difference between the severity of the words is obvious. Truly hating something is difficult. The heavy and dark feeling which fills up your heart is dangerous. It is evil. Makes us do and say unforgivable things. Transforms us into things so far from human. An ugly thing that won't let go of your soul. Something that one will carry with them for eternity. Something extreme and unforgiving. Let me give an example of what hate does to one:
I hate the summer rain. The little droplets of warm water falling from the sky. The water which will drench your clothes and will make you feel clammy and sticky. It's appalling. Especially the people who enjoy that rain. Couples. People who see the warm rain as an opportunity to express themselves and their love for each other. Leisurely continuing their walk, hands clasped together and smiles forming on their lips. Looking into each other's eyes like it's the first time they are properly seeing each other. A kiss in the warm rain. A wet hug. Dancing while surrounded by water, imagining this moment to be only theirs.
The bubbling fury every time I am close to one of the loving couples is scary. The need to run, overcoming me every time, because I would rather run from my hate than confront it. But no matter how much effort I put into escaping, I cannot outrun the annoying rain.
Every corner I turn I have to experience couples enjoying the warm rain, like it isn't the culprit of the intense feelings I have been desperately trying to bury for the last three years, 7 months, 16 days and 2 hours.
It is yet another day cursed by the appearance of the rain. Another day which reminds me of what I once had. The love that once kept me alive, helped me breathe and made me whole. All washed away with the rain all those years ago. The summer rain took away my love, and replaced it with hate.
Looking to my right, I once again have to endure the image of two people in love kissing each other while surrounded by the droplets which I despised. I turn away, cross the street and ignore the warm salty water escaping my eyes and wetting my already damp cheeks. Even though those aren't the summer rain's fault, I still hate the weather, people seem to love, and I always will.
© Ivy_Bloom 2022-09-19