Love isn’t controllable. Love can’t be stopped. That didn’t work in my favor when I met you. Meeting you might be exaggerated. It was barely a meeting – just a glance, a heartbeat, a moment. Yet, at that moment, the world disappeared around me. All I saw was you. You and me. Your eyes were stirring and calming simultaneously. They teased and understood me at the same time. It was too much to take in at once. But even hours later, my thoughts danced around only you. They were torn between “He’s just a stranger, he doesn’t matter” and “I’ll never find one like him, he is THE one”. You lit up a spark in me which just didn’t want to calm down. All night I daydreamed about you.
The next time I saw you, I actually got to know you. You spoke to me, complimented me. Your eyes, they pierced mine, made me speechless. Your smile was contagious, addicting. You invited me to dance, and we danced all night. I didn’t want to and wouldn’t let go of your hand until the sun rose. And even days after our dance through the night, my thoughts wouldn’t stop finding their way back to you. Back to that night. Even today, I believe that that was our most beautiful moment together. It was before I got to know her, before my innocence was taken from me.
Thereafter, I got to know her. My heart broke into an infinite number of parts, as I saw her in your arms. But that spark of mine turned into a flame. And the more I noticed that there wasn’t an ‘us’, just a ‘you’ and just a ‘me’, the more I wanted you. The more I realized that I meant nothing to you, the more I wanted just that. But you were never the type of person to see the special in things. And you should never see it in me.
But she, she was something very special. She was everything I wasn’t, she had everything I ever wanted. Blond hair, blue eyes, you know, an angel on earth.
After that, I saw you one last time. We danced again. Our eyes said what we couldn’t bring to our lips. You told me, I’m sure of it. You didn’t use words, just looks, and glances. You told me, you loved me. Not her, just me. I said it back, only with my eyes.
And then everything was just over. You chose her, I was just collateral damage. Maybe you never had to choose. Maybe it was always her. But there was something between the two of us, a flame, a love. We had met only so few times, yet it felt like we had known each other all our lives. But perhaps that was all just my imagination. Perhaps there were no such things as loving glances and teasing looks. Perhaps it was all in my head.
Either way, you gave me the best feeling I ever felt. You made me feel like I was someone, someone special. And although I meant nothing to you, although I was just another girl you danced with, I have to thank you. Thank you for loving me, even if it was all in my mind. Thank you, for it all.
© Jazz 2022-05-21