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#zukuntsangst#anxiety#darkness

Trip and Fall

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Trip and Fall | story.one

The floor is barely visible, for there is no light in here.

There are obstacles, for sure. Many obstacles. Small marbles to slip on, scattered all over the floor, massive walls to run into. Misty curtains wrapping around me, catching my breath and stealing my ability to move as if they were cobwebs. Snow. Deep, fluffy snow to sink into and suffocate slowly. Different sized steps, changing their height unnoticed just for me to skip one and step into nothing but air or to slam my feet against the solid material. Tripwires, that are put up barely above the floor, marking labyrinthine corridors that lead to dead ends and pitfalls.

No directions, no signs, no way out. No light.

I’m manoeuvring around, pretending to know what I’m doing. If I keep dancing around, tiptoeing, crawling along, just barely avoiding the obstacles for no other reason than pure luck, I will get out at some point, won’t I? This can’t go on forever. At some point, there must be a door awaiting me, an exit, an escape. There will be light behind it, bright, shining light. A gleam that can lighten up the darkness and reveal the obstacles. Maybe it is already seeping through the doorway, trying to guide my way. Maybe I could already see it and feel its warm, welcoming touch on my skin. If it weren’t for the snow. If there weren’t so many marbles on the ground. If only I were able to see the steps leading there instead of avoiding them. If only I didn’t have to pretend to know what I’m doing.

But my feet are growing tired, my breathing heavy and raspy in the darkness. Exhaustion settles down inside of me, whispering in a low and tempting tone, telling me to lay down. Maybe the snow isn’t even that cold. Maybe I could make a bed out of marbles.

And yet I keep going. Even worse, I keep wondering why I keep going.

Is that worse, though? If I stopped right here, there wouldn’t be any obstacles to avoid. No snow trying to suffocate me, no curtains to get tangled up in. Just me and the darkness.

I don’t feel like I have a choice. Keep going, keep going, nothing else matters. Keep dancing around, skipping steps, finding a way through curtains and cobwebs.

Keep going.

Keep pretending.

But there is no light in here.

It won’t be long until I trip and fall.

© Luna_S_Gray 2021-11-14

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