⁃ I’m not that kind of person
⁃ What kind of person are you then?
That’s a tricky question, because, to be honest I have no idea.
⁃ I’m the one who doesn’t have an answer to that. I’m everything, I’m your solace during hard times, I’m my best friend’s happiness, I’m my cat’s enemy, my mom’s little girl, my teacher’s favourite.
⁃ You seem to take on every role, except one .
⁃ Which one?
⁃ A girl who wants to find peace.
⁃ Don’t, you make me look depressed, which I’m not, I’m just .
⁃ Yeah, right , lost. Why am I telling you this? I don’t know you. You are just someone I met two weeks ago. God, I AM depressed, talking to strangers about my feelings, pretending to be mysterious when, in fact, I‘m just making excuses not to face a cruel reality.
⁃ What’s your reality?
⁃ I‘m miserable, don’t you see it?
⁃ You’re not.
⁃ I am and now you‘re trying to cheer me up.
- Can I?
⁃ Cheer you up?
I wanted to say no, to show him that I could handle whatever it was, but what if I couldn‘t?
⁃ Yeah, that would be nice.
And the next thing I knew I was dissolving in his arms, my cheek pressed to his really soft hoodie. He hugged me, and it wasn’t awkward, it actually felt right and safe. I knew I could trust him, so I hugged him back and it was so nice I started to cry, because it was too good to be true, or maybe I just forgot that feeling, when somebody cares about you. I made a small step backwards, looked him in the eyes and they were filled with tears, but still looking at me. I didn’t say a word. I was afraid to say something and I was not sure if I was able to produce a sound at that moment, so instead, I breathed in and kissed him. I was scared to death he wouldn’t kiss me back, but he did. It wasn’t passionate like in the movies, but it was the best moment in my life, because that was the moment I realized that life matters.
© Marta Kryva 2022-10-02