I'm free today and get up in a really good mood. The sun shines in from the window and calls me out to it. So without further ado I get my swimming stuff together and slip into the blue sandals with the platform heels... Brief hesitation. Should I ask if you wanna come with me? Company would be nice and maybe you don't have any plans yet and would be happy about it!?
Actually, we are always doing something anyway, I only hesitate because the others are working and we have never been out doing something “just the two of us”.
"Oh well, why not", I decide and reach out to knock on your door just a floor below. But as I only hear something indefinable as answer, I hesitantly ask if I can come in. Your muffled "yes" is followed by my surprise to find you still lying in bed.
The curtains drawn, a blindfold on the head. The scene is a little too intimate for me, the way you sleepily blink out of bed at me... I feel embarrassed, apologize quickly, explaining that I just wanted to ask if you wanna go swimming and I'm already about to hecticly leave the scene backwards again.
But you answer I should only give you a few minutes, so I wait in front of the door. In the meantime I wonder. Cause even if I don't want to fully admit it to myself, something about you has made me nervous lately. Well nevermind, I decide to push that thought away and grin instead. I'm looking forward to the afternoon. Why should I be nervous anyway?
The first time I saw you, I did notice you, but not at all in that way. You looked good, interesting, and you were the new guy in the office and M's brother. But for me you radiated such uncertainty. Didn't feel like you were comfortable at all. Your designer clothes, the bewitchingly good perfume, your gestures and the way you brushed your hair back, the many cigarettes - just seemed to me like a way to cover up an uncertainty.
We got to know each other a little better over time. At the bar, while eating, during the breaks, especially when you spent the evenings with us. Step by step you would become more relaxed. Showed me - us - more of yourself. And it's through your humor that I finally got to really discover a tiny little bit of you. That's how I started liking you. As unequal as we were, we got along pretty well in a strange way.
So on that day we end up going to swim. And something changed there. Quite secretly and cautiously, barely noticeable - and yet still.
We just talk. Swimming, smoking, enjoying the sun and really getting to know each other. For the first time. As I ask you about a conspicuous scar, although you laugh casually, say little about it, it's as if I recognized and felt more. As if I could have seen something for a fraction. Read from your eyes. As if I saw you and you saw me.
Something connects here, in what we don't say and without any action. It's that one moment. In that suddenly emerging familiarity, I fell in love for the first time, with someone I would later on love too.
Despite all impossibility. Cause love doesn't ask about reason, about age, origin, language or meaning. Love is.
© MissReveuse 2021-08-05