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The things I couldn't say

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The things I couldn't say |

Every now and then, when something randomly brings me back an old memory, I think of you for a moment.

They are a lot of things I never told you. Maybe not to make it worse. Maybe not having enough real time together. Mainly it was just never the right moment. Actually this seems to be the keynote to our special relationship.

But that didn‘t change anything to me. Guess for some time it must have been the same for you. Cause we lived it anyway, taking in everything that comes with that kind of decision. Was it a decision at all? Actually for me that story, our connection, felt more like an ocean that got me, bit by bit, wave by wave, moment by moment. I could have run away, but honestly I didn‘t want to at all. Even if I knew there would be a price to pay.

To be honest you got me, caught me from day one. I didn't tell you this, still I remember pretty well. You came in after a business trip, we hadn‘t met before. I had heard of you, but not much, so I had no expectation. The first time we met was kind of a daily routine thing. Taking a coffee, a short small talk. Casual & easy. Still that moment stayed with me forever. It was as if I could sense that something special beforehand.

One of these moments when time seems to get real slow. I don't remember the day or what we sayed. But I remember your smell, the way you moved, the way you were simply there as if it was the most natural thing. Just like that. Steping in my world. There was something about you, that caught my attention right from the very first moment. Your presence seemed to get me on a different level. I remember a lot so sharply.

The rare moments when we would talk, way before anything happened, I lived for these moments. I can‘t really explain the impact you had on me. But you hit me, caught me right from the start. You caught me like no one before. I loved the presence you had. And I loved the person I became when I was with you.

I still admire the deep self confidence you had, that inner strength, your vision and opinion on things. It felt like you knew exactly who you were. Unlike the others, that is the best way to describe you. You didn‘t depend on what others thought of you at all. It seemed to amuse you. I found this fascinating, strong. I had rarely met someone like that. Actualy never.

Maybe its one of the reasons I fell for you. That big cloud of freedom that seemed to suround you. You felt free, your decisions felt free, the way you thought, laughed, talked - felt free. And I felt so free with you. It made me forget everything else.

Though you stayed my secret all that time, I truely felt for you. More than any word could have explained. Even if timing wasn't ever right. And I guess, its been part of the magic. The story that has never been fully lived.

If I had been fearless I would have told you back then. Just because you should have known. Even if timing never fits, even if common worlds split apart. Nothing about that love was wrong.

You might have felt it anyhow - through the speechless embracement - in beetween all the lines I couldn‘t say.

© MissReveuse 2021-03-16


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