I remember lying in my bed, clutching the blanket in my fist. Shocked at the fact that 2 years had already passed since I graduated from high school and that I had already been studying at university for over a year.
March 15 has taken on many meanings for me in recent years.
In 2020, it was the first day of online classes before my final exams. Exams in a pandemic. "I'll see you again in two weeks,after the Easter holidays at the latest...".
In 2021 it was the first day at my dream university. After a long search I finally found a course for animation that was close to me.
In 2022 it is the day when I held a positive Covid-19 test in my hand for the first time. My test.
The idea that we live in a time separated by a "before" and an "after" is something I don't want to think about. A song is playing in the background, Roslyn. A song that I listened to a lot two years ago, and yet it feels like it was only yesterday.
The rain pours down from the sky. The sound it makes when it hits my window makes the nostalgia so much worse.
I remember being with my friends on my senior field trip 2 years ago and lying in bed at night hearing that same rain. After that week, I didn't see most of them again. It's funny how "best trip ever, we'll have to do that again, hopefully next year" turns into a "is it weird if I write them a message now?".
Two years have passed. Two years of pain, happiness, death and passion.
I am a completely different person now. I like who I am, but I can't help but mourn the person I once was.
Nostalgia is the torture we carry with us all our lives.
I just wish I had the chance to say goodbye to the "before".
© Nel 2022-03-16
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