The projects were postponed until a later date. My probationary period was ending in 10 days. When the CEO asked me to meet him at the office, I knew exactly what he was going to tell me.
I went to the office. I made myself some camomile tea. The CEO and I sat down to talk.
He told me that he was sorry, but could not confirm me, given the facts. I replied that I was sorry too, and I meant it. It was a project I had believed in, for which I had given up the stability of employment in the large corporation where I worked, and had made a move in less than three weeks.
The CEO proposed a deal that seemed all fun and games: they would have paid me until February, with no need to work. At the end of that period, I would have handed over the equipment, and we would have parted ways. I asked him about the consequences. He replied that there were none.
I trusted him (even because we were also friends) and, naively, did not inquire about this contract. When I received it, I signed it.
I started looking for work right away. I registered myself as a job seeker at the employment agency, and started filling out the forms to get unemployment.
My unemployment lasted 33 days. But, from 18 November (the day I Talked with Thomas) to today, 111 days have passed.
111 days in which demotivation, frustration, anger, anxiety, sadness, and guilt followed one another.
111 days spent inside my head that increasingly resembled chaos.
111 days “spent in the fog”.
111 days of uncertainty.
111 days of growth, awareness and newfound kindness towards myself.
111 days spent sending applications (100), reading rejection emails (44), never receiving a reply (41) and having endless interview processes (11).
111 days spent dealing with the least efficient bureaucracy on the planet, with a system that punishes those who sign contracts without being properly informed.
Unemployment sucks. At least for me. I loved my job, born out of a personal passion. Aware that I was lucky to have turned it into a job.
When I used to talk about being unemployed, everyone would say 'it's a time for you to cultivate your passions'. And I did: I've resumed writing. But today I am very happy I have received the offer for the job I really wanted, and I cannot wait to go back and “get my hands dirty”.
To all of those who are in the same situation as I was, do not give up.
A rejection can turn into a better possibility.
It is normal to feel down, but please give those feelings the space they need and then let them go.
Surround yourself with people who motivate, support and love you, even when you are in your darkness.
From someone who has been there, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
© Robidag 2023-03-09
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