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// akai ito

  • 6
// akai ito |

‘tell me with your eyes’, I said. you were still turned away.

‘come here and tell me with your eyes.’ you didn’t lift your head. I was fed up with your lies.

you knew exactly what you did. somehow at least you felt bad about it. you kept your thoughts always well hid, but now I was finally ready to quit.

‘I never said that I wanted more.’ - ‘neither did I.’ ‘you know that I was hurt before.’ - ‘so was I.’

‘why are you angry then?’ - ‘because you lied.’ ‘I lied to you? when?’ - I was tongue-tied.

I get a weird feeling, when I remember the first time we’ve met. how tender you talked. I’d love to forget.

then it got colder, and winter came. we walked in opposite directions, and tried to forget the other person’s name.

sometimes I like to get a glimpse back. to look for the turn, where I moved on the wrong track. only what can I do? I can’t even say, why I wanted you to stay, but now it feels unreal and weird.

like busy days when the sounds have disappeared.

like bright, but moody days without the sun.

like when you start to lose a loved one.

like seeing someone, but they just look through you.

like stopping to hyperfocus and notice the time that flew.

I get confused in moments like this. feeling like I was on my way to abyss. I like watching people pass by. trying to imagine what life they lead and why. but some faces look so sad, so devasted. you can see what a hard life has created.

in every wrinkle full of worry, in every crinkle full of sorry. there’s no glow. their sparkling eyes don’t serve their purpose. delight doesn’t reach the surface. it’s like their mouths weren’t meant to wear a smile. they are just trying their best once in awhile. being happy doesn’t come natural to some. there’s no guaranty that joy will come.

akai ito. we weren’t meant to be. assumingly, there’s someone out there for me. have to look for the other end of the red thread. I’ll have to wait and believe in the destiny ahead.

this time I was mistaken. I thought it was a golden opportunity not taking off the rose-coloured glasses, believing more than the white lies and suddenly, I finally saw your true colours.

that day I saw red

was in way over my head –

it wasn’t the red thread.

© Sarah Pilgerstorfer 2022-07-09


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