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#queerlove#youngstorytelleraward2022

Letter No.13

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Letter No.13 | story.one

Dearest Sven,

I finally did it! I know, after all those weeks you had almost given up hope, but the day before yesterday, after posting my previous letter, I met Marie and… I don’t know how it happened exactly, but suddenly it was out! It’s peculiar, I’ve struggled with telling her for so long, but as soon as it was out, I almost couldn’t stop talking. I may have rhapsodized about you so much that it probably got on her nerves a little towards the end.

To be quite honest, I’m not entirely certain how she took it, but it’s looking well! She didn’t say much, but she listened attentively and, at the end, she said it was obvious how much you mean to me, even though she seemed a little bit cool. I think she might have to process it first.

I for one am glad I finally did it! It’s such an incredible relief… I almost wish I could simply tell everyone! Wouldn’t that be grand? No more secrets, no hiding, no more fear… but I don’t want to get ahead of myself! Marie is a good friend after all, and I know it could be very difficult with others.

The tree outside my window is beginning to grow its first leaves! Overall it’s still pretty drab and grey outside, but the first green is braving the light and heralding the spring. It goes rather well with my mood – it feels a little as if my heart had been a bud that is finally beginning to bloom. I wouldn’t have thought that my love could still grow but I was wrong – we’ve been writing for over half a year now, our letters have never ceased or lessened and I love you more than ever.

It may not be the all-consuming storm of confounding emotions that it was in the beginning, instead it is now simply a constant part of my life, a part of me. Even in the moments where I don’t think of you, you are nevertheless always with me, and it feels wonderful.

The painting is progressing well! It’s taking time because I’m still not quite used to the paint, but I figured out that I can achieve gorgeous colours by layering them over each other again and again, they really begin to shine! It’s difficult to describe, I will have to show you. Maybe you should just visit me again!

You are my heart and my breath.

Matthias

© Severin Buchenau 2022-05-21

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