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#youngadult#loveletter#queerlove

Letter No.3

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Letter No.3 | story.one

Dearest Sven,

the new school year has begun… the last one of my life! On one hand, I was eagerly anticipating it; the sooner I finish school, the sooner I can begin a new part of my life. University, for example, maybe in a new town, maybe closer to you!

On the other hand, I confess that returning to school has given me some sleepless nights. I never quite fit in with the other boys… Me, with my books, my pretty shirts and my long hair… Father always says I’m too soft and he’s not the only one to think so. But today I was better equipped than ever before. I was carrying your letters in the breast pocket of my jacket (on the inside, of course – there, no one can see them and they are closer to my heart) and that way I was shielded from every disparaging look they could throw my way. Never would I have thought I could feel so strong, so courageous.

And I have you to thank for it.

The leaves in front of my window have not yet taken on their autumn colours, but you can already glimpse a slight shimmer of gold if you look closely. Or maybe I’m just imagining it… Mother has always said I had an overabundance of imagination, but I don’t know what could be wrong with that. How beautiful it is to see the world in all its colours and let it inspire you to dream.

I dream often lately – another thing I have you to thank for! I admit, many of my dreams seem to revolve only around you. Sometimes I ask myself if that’s silly and I’m sure you will laugh, but I couldn’t hold that against you. I love your laughter way too much for that.

When I awake from my dreams, my emotions are sometimes almost to complex and confused to understand them. On the one side, I’m still blissfully flushed with the warmth of your embrace.

On the other side, I can feel the sting in my heart when my sleepy mind begins to realize it was only a dream.

I must see you again! I know it won’t be easy, but maybe we can find a weekend? Surely in the autumn holidays? My parents know I made a new friend at summer camp, I’m sure I can convince of a visit!

I long for your smile

Matthias

© Severin Buchenau 2022-05-21

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