it’s still two weeks and I can already barely sleep. The thought that I will see you again soon… I’m so animated by the thought that I can barely manage my everyday life. Others at school have already noticed how much I’ve been smiling lately, especially in quiet moments when I believe myself to be unobserved. If anyone knew what I was really thinking of, what you truly mean to me… I don’t even want to imagine it! That I can’t simply be open about our love sometimes almost breaks my heart.
But I pay that price more than happily. Meeting you has completely turned my life upside down! We may be far away from each other and can only write, and my daily life has not changed at first glance. But I go through the world with new eyes. Everything seems to have become warmer and more friendly, even though the leaves are falling and the wind is blowing colder.
Unfortunately I couldn’t convince my parents to give me money for the train. What I saved up and made on the side will be just about enough, but I won’t be able to bring you a present. I know that you don’t mind, but I really would’ve loved to do it. I will send it to you for your birthday, even though that means I won’t be able to watch you unpack.
I can’t describe to you how much I am looking forward to seeing you again. I’ve been yearning for so long, yearning to look into your bright eyes again, to hold your hand, to tousle your beautiful hair, to kiss your soft lips… the thought that it is almost time is keeping me awake at night, and when I finally manage to fall asleep it follows me into my dreams. I don’t know how I am supposed to endure the next two weeks. I’m probably going to sleep so little that I’ll arrive completely exhausted and overly fatigued. I’ll have to spend the whole weekend sleeping in your arms… how dreadful.
It’s late already and through my window I can already see the stars in the dark evening sky. Where it touches the horizon it’s still bright, from there it spans like an immeasurable dome over the world, coloured in all shades from royal blue to almost black. I don’t know what you are doing right now, but I like to imagine that you are looking out of your window at this moment, beholding the same sky as I am.
We are so far apart from each other and yet my heart finds its way to you, be it through this letter or among the stars in the night sky.
A beautiful notion, I think.
Maybe we’ll be able to look at the stars together one day.
© Severin Buchenau 2022-05-21