I am writing this letter on the train. Please forgive me if my handwriting is a little messier than usual. I have the compartment to myself and I’m glad about it. Only fifteen minutes ago, we said our goodbyes at the station, with only a shy embrace, since there were too many watchful eyes around us for the kiss we both longed for. I could feel your heartbeat against my chest and it almost feels like my heart stayed behind, there on the platform.
I already miss you! The weekend was far too short and it passed before I could get used to your vicinity. To be with you for such a short time after endless weeks of painful yearning is both curse and blessing in one. A curse, since my longings will now be kindled all the more, my desire glows hotter and the distance pains me even more…
But how gladly I will carry that curse if it comes with such a blessing. Your radiant smile when you picked me up at the station, your warm breath on my neck when you embraced me, your knee against mine when we sat on the bus…
Your hand in mine, your soft hair between my fingers, your sweet lips on mine, your trembling beneath my hand… All those images, scents and sensations are now engraved in my memory and they won’t fade quickly.
How you laughed when I asked you to sit still for your portrait… your restlessness made it so much more difficult to capture your beauty, but I love it as much as everything else about you. You sparkle with life and joy in a way that I can barely describe. Nobody has ever made me laugh like you do! My mother always says I’m too quiet, too melancholy… she would not have recognized me in the last few days, that’s how much your exuberant love of life has rubbed off on me!
Outside of the window, the sky is getting darker and the landscape is racing past me… a constant reminder that the closeness we were able to share was not for long. But when I get off the train, it will be dark already, dark enough to see the stars. And I will remain there on the platform for a while and look at them, just like you will look at them tonight. They are so far away from us and yet they shine so bright that we can still see them. So bright my heart will burn as well, longing for your kisses, your embraces, your gentle voice…
Maybe you will find me, among the stars in the night sky.
© Severin Buchenau 2022-05-21