13.

Chaos

I’ve learned to say „it’s alright“
I’ve learned to keep my eyes closed
pretend to smile and move on
despite the fact that I’m breaking up deep inside
When someone asks me if I remember you
it feels like slowly ripping my heart into billions of pieces

Memories and pictures rushed through my head
on a screen like a movie theater
yet this time
they were only describing the ending
and not the movie itself
You gave me a book
filled with thousand pages,
since every night I read about J.K.Rowling
Stephen King and Suzanne Collins
but we barely wrote a forced chapter



And last year,
we stayed up till 3am
holding the most truthful chats

When we last talked to each other
looking at the stars from our bed
and hoping
that our we would keep on living
until the end of our universe’s existence
And we hoped,
we hoped that our us would stay
until the end of our persistence
But at that time,
we were already a shooting star burned out
and was only visible at the sky
And as it expired, we had the chance to make a wish
But we were only standing in front of each other in silence
And just a simple „hi “ felt so, so intangibly foreign
not knowing how to speak the same language
And I felt so stupid, too naive
and even too „self-confident“ with your „forever“
in disbelief



Everybody knows it, the chaos inside your head
the jumble of thoughts and feelings that slowly merge
and flow into your heart
within
almost as if salic acid is dripping onto your skin
removing your vitality piece by piece
Everybody knows it,
the feeling of not doing tough
surrounded by perplexity and anger
thinking about a person
sure-enough
who wouldn’t waste a blink of an eye on us
After all,
you were always the one who said:

Find comfort in the chaos.