14 February 2025

Hi. It’s me again. Still here. Still writing to you like you’re a person. Like you’re listening. Maybe that makes me crazy. Maybe I don’t care. Today was… I don’t know. I don’t know where to start. I don’t even have the right word for it. Maybe just wrong. I sat at the dinner table, right in my usual spot, watching them. Mom. Dad. Ben. Eating, talking, laughing. Like I was never there. I waved my hand in front of Mom’s face. Nothing. I knocked over Ben’s glass. He flinched, looked down at the mess. „Ben, be careful,“ Mom said, passing him a napkin. Ben frowned. „I didn’t even touch it.“ „Then how did it spill by itself?“ He looked around, confused for half a second. And then he just – shrugged. Like it didn’t matter. Like I didn’t matter. So I left. I don’t know why I went to the park. Maybe I just wanted something familiar. Maybe I wanted to see *her.* Rahel was there. Sitting on a bench, talking to some guy I don’t know. Some guy who isn’t me. She was laughing. Laughing.Like I never existed. I walked right up to her. Stood so close I could see the freckles on her nose, the ones she always complained about. „Rahel?“ Nothing. „Rahel, it’s me!“ Still nothing.

I shouted. Waved my hands in front of her face. Reached out to grab her wrist. My fingers went right through her skin like she was made of smoke. Or maybe I was. And she just kept talking, kept laughing. So I ran. I ran until my lungs burned, until my legs gave out, until I collapsed onto the pavement and screamed until my throat felt like it was tearing apart. And nobody heard me. Except Jarry. He found me, like he always does. Hands in his pockets, looking down at me with that stupid, unreadable expression. „Told you not to do this,“ he muttered. I wiped my face with my sleeve. „I just – I just wanted someone to see me.“ Jarry sighed, like he’d seen this a hundred times before. „They won’t. No matter how hard you try.“ I shook my head. „It’s not fair.“ Jarry let out a short laugh. „Yeah. No shit.“ He didn’t say anything else after that. Just sat down next to me, close enough that our shoulders brushed. Close enough that I didn’t feel so *alone.* Later, we climbed up onto some old rooftop downtown. I don’t even remember which building. I don’t think it matters. We sat there, watching the stars. „You think they remember people?“ I asked. Jarry raised an eyebrow. „The stars?“ I nodded. „Yeah. Like, maybe when someone disappears, the stars remember them.“ He snorted. „That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.“ I shrugged. „Maybe.“

We sat there a while longer, legs swinging over the edge, the city humming below us. Jarry leaned back on his hands, looking up at the sky. „You don’t have to do this alone, you know,“ he said. I turned my head. „Do what?“ „All of it. The being Forgotten. The – “ He waved his hand vaguely. „Whatever the hell you’re trying to do.“ I didn’t answer right away. Just looked at him. At the way the city lights caught the edges of his face. At the way he just *existed* in this weird, impossible way. Like he belonged here. Like I could, too. „…Thanks,“ I mumbled. Jarry smirked. „For what?“ I rolled my eyes. „I don’t know. Just – being here, I guess.“ Jarry bumped his knee against mine. „Yeah, yeah. Don’t get all sappy on me.“ I laughed. Actually *laughed.* And for the first time today, it didn’t hurt. So, yeah. Today was wrong. But at least I wasn’t alone in it.