Beat J von Vivian Menne

I don’t want to get all dark. But shit happens and a lot of dark times happened. Well, that’s life. But it isn’t all dark. So just lean back and listen to my story. Where is a lot to learn for all of you.

My name is Vera McLoud. I was 16 years old when it happened. This age is truly shit. It is always a hard time of life. You fall in love or you get depressed or you even get a perversion Cocktail of both, so that you have to spit it out or choke on it heavily when trying to swallow it. Here I have a little tip for you: If you have to spill, spill on the right person. And that is what my story is about: How I did not spill on a person.

A person whose death would have been like the best wine made from the purest fruit in the country, kissed by the sunlight, washed from the cleanest source, and harvested from the wine god Dionysos himself. For this intoxicating wine, I would have taken care of her death with my own or with the hands of a hitman. But my guilty feeling and my love for my parents, which I would never see again, when I’m in prison stopped me from doing that. Even if she made it so hard to not do it. But how did this hate spread inside of me? Well, I would say it started with my first lesbian experience with her. Jena B.

It was a sunny day. A school day. But it wasn’t a bad day, even if I hate swimming lessons at school. We already walked to the swimming pool and waited for the teacher. Mr. Shanke our class teacher, a sports teacher, and even a German teacher. While we waited, I and my twin sister Verena were talking to our new best friends since primary school. Their names are Evelyn K., Jena B., Linda A., Justin E. with a long I and Leonie C. We weren’t popular and the favorite girls of the whole school, who are bullying the other kids for standing there in the spotlight as cool assholes. No, we were the opposite: Not so popular, more ignored by the other kids, submissive, and the teacher’s favorites. Some more than the others. My two minutes younger twin sister – for what I’m proud of – and I were the more nerd-like students. So we were always the ass Trawlers to the teachers. But they are stupid. They don’t know the difference between good old class manners or lies of an ass crawler. We only showed respect, as you do for older people. Is it crawler potential if you open the door for an old teacher? No, it’s not! It’s the same as if you open the door for an old woman who is not a teacher. Or it is the same as if you make room for a pregnant woman to sit on the bus. It doesn’t matter if teacher or not. It is still a question of manners. And o boy, please. A teacher is also a human, even if most students don’t seem to know that. But no matter what, we still were the coolest girls.

We talked about love, what else. But suddenly Jena B. took me with her. Then it got serious. She told me, she loves me. And asked me, if I would like to go out with her. If I had known what she was after I would have slapped her right into her face, screaming loudly „No“, so that the whole world would have heard it, and then run away. But I didn’t know what would happen. So it had to come to the answer: “Yes“

With that, my worst nightmare turned into reality.