Introduction

Trauma. Just one word. One word that is used for so many things. Things that aren’t even traumatic, but society describes them as traumatic. Trauma is more than just an event. It’s an imprint on the body, the mind and the soul. It affects every aspect of life. It shapes our perceptions, our relationships and most of all, our very sense of self. It lingers in the shadows of our lives. It is invisible to others around us, sometimes even to ourselves. With this book I’m trying to tell what kind of trauma I had/have to deal with, and I know a lot of us do as well. Whether you experienced it yourself or are seeking to understand and support others, this journey will guide you through the intricate landscape of pain, resilience and recovery. As you turn the pages of this book you’ll encounter stories of survival, pain, tears and the current state of healing. This book is not just about trauma – it is a testament to the strength of our human spirit and the power of hope. It is an invitation to embark on a path of understanding and finally beginning to heal.

To be honest, I don’t even know where to start. I’m in the middle of my healing journey. Okay, it’s more the beginning – after two years in therapy I’m still at the beginning and there’s still a long way ahead of me. Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Jenni, 27, a girl who spent most of her life not dealing with all of her fucking trauma. I started writing this down, because I thought I wanna share my story that includes a lot of trauma with the world and maybe help some people out there to not feel alone with what they are feeling. And no, this won’t be a funny story, nor will I be kind and nice, not to myself and not to a lot of other people. I want to tell the truth, the ugly side that no one ever talks about. The way I fucked up a lot in my life, made a bunch of wrong decisions. The way I got treated but also how I treated the people around me reflection of my trauma – the trauma response. Oh, by the way, in the middle of writing this I found a name for whatever this will be – the unabridged truth. That’s the name I gave my Tumblr blog like 14 years ago. Don’t judge, I still use it to express how I’m feeling.

So long story short : Welcome to my life.