Letter for the host

Hello, again…

This habit of writing to you is one of my biggest sins. But I can’t stop myself, my thoughts are begging me to find them a place to rest. I’m in my room, the sun is waiting for the approval to rise, the entire chamber is surrounded by shadows and diffused lights. I accidentally saw my reflection in the mirror placed on my vanity, a bunch of lines and curves, my face translucent, and I was wondering how did I find the way back home. Sam… Yes, Sam helped me, and I was impolite, acting like I was haunted by a ghost, keeping my voice blocked inside my throat the entire way home. He didn’t seem to notice what caused that unexpected sift in my disposition and I lied to him and myself, for a fact, that I was simply tired. I remember entering in your home, my steps unsure, the loud music pulsing in my ears and your laugh, unusual and colorful, that sound awakening something latent in me and I wanted to take off my shoes and run as far as I could. You didn’t seem to be aware of my arrival, being busy, talking with strangers, and I was never able to handle that kind of pressure. Everybody was staring, I didn’t know if it was a trick of the mind, but I was feeling small next to them, insignificant, and I decided to keep my eyes on the ground, moving fast towards the closest corner of the room until I recognized a familiar face. It was Crystal and I started to relax a bit, being in the company of the people that I’ve known for ages. Nick disappeared for a short moment and then your voice became like a veil surrounding me, and I started to look for secrets in the walls, to play with my bracelet, anything to distract the moths from whispering your name. My hands were shaking slightly, catching the attention of Sam and Crystal, both of them asking me if I was feeling alright. I nodded, my lips were fighting to form something similar to a smile; then a round of applause and greetings announced your arrival and my entire face turned involuntarily toward the place you were staying, our eyes locking for a sharp and intense moment. I was trapped in that emotion, my heart was bleeding, and it was just me and you. You managed to balance the weight of your body from one leg to the other and I wonder: Why? Were you nervous? You are never nervous.