Distant Chances

It was exhausting.

Walking past everyone at school was the first odd thing of the day.

When they saw her, friends would turn to each other and whisper.
Most would avoid eye contact.
Even Hannah refrained from talking to her.

Ava felt like crying all the time.
She couldn’t anyway, she felt like all her tears had run out.

Her teachers looked down on her. Now they just see her as another measly student. Nothing special about her anymore, is there?

Her classes went by fast. She wasn’t called on a single time.

Walking home took longer, but the idea of it sounded nice.

The café seemed the same, a coffee would be nice. Maybe the caffeine would help her from being so tired all the time.

“I love your hair, by the way”, the barista with the red highlights said.

“Thanks.”

She probably didn’t mean it. Why would she choose to compliment a disgrace like her?


She’d knocked on the door more than usual. It was her mother who’d opened the door. She was glad about that.

She didn’t bother seeing her dad. It would only lead to unwanted noise.

Her desk was filled with books and papers from weeks ago, whenever that last exam was. Remembering was getting harder.

Some colored pencils caught her attention, hidden somewhere amidst the chaos on her desk.
The drawings they were paired with were from months ago. She’d found them pretty back then. She had showed them off with pride to her parents.

Imagine that now, showing a drawing to her dad, and being proud of it too.
It was a funny thought.
But when she actually paid attention to the drawings, she felt awful. Crying would feel nice, if she could, that is.

And the more thought she gave to all this, the more it hurt. She felt so unwanted.

If there were a way to disappear from existence, it would’ve been the first thing she’d have done today.

With that, a despondent thought came to mind.

Maybe this life isn’t worth continuing anymore.

‘Why?’, she asks herself.

I’m tired.