THE DUST OF MY BEING

Life comes with no clue in the right direction. We live now and hope that the next minute will be better than the last. Dreams of a better future are not unique; every child has them. Every parent is hopeful that their child will bloom and bring positive change to their lives. No one wants to depart this world before seeing their dreams come to fruition.

But life has a way of changing without warning and without pity. A knock of this or that, and the need to respond keeps your hands heavy, making it hard to hold on. My reality is torture without answers. It’s a dream I wish to wake up from urgently. I try to scream out, but my voice is held up in my throat. All that I loved has turned away from me. The numerous headaches, the swellings, the hives… The mirror shows me a reflection I no longer recognize. A constant reminder of the pain I’m living with. The looks from within and without, the hushed tones… they’re all reminders that I’m losing myself.

The weight of it all is crushing me. The constant fatigue, the pain that never subsides, the medications that cloud my mind… It’s like living in a never-ending storm, with no shelter in sight. Some days, it’s hard to get out of bed, hard to find the strength to face another day. The grief of losing my old life, my old self, it’s a pain that never goes away.

I’ve learned the art of hiding behind a mask, giving a hearty laugh to cover my pain. But the silence is deafening. The uncertainty is suffocating. And the questions keep piling up… What lies ahead? Will the pain ever subside? Will I ever find peace? The emotional toll is overwhelming. Feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy creep in, whispering that I’m not doing enough, that I’m somehow failing. The pressure to keep up appearances, to be strong for others, it’s exhausting. Sometimes, I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of expectations, with no lifeline in sight.

As the days blend together, I’m left with only my thoughts. The darkness closes in, and I’m forced to confront the reality of my situation. I’m trapped in a world of pain, with no escape. And the hardest part? Not knowing when it will all come to an end.