Transactional Love

Decked up in a beautiful gown and in fine jewellery, you are joyful because the day you waited for so long was finally here. You can’t stop smiling since it is your day and, let’s be honest, you love all the attention. But that’s just a tiny part of the reason. You are elated because this day marks the beginning of a new journey. A journey you get to share with another person. Through all the ups and downs, they are going to be there with you, walking with you hand in hand. A journey that will last for the rest of your life (?).

You believe that your life has prepared you well for whatever lies ahead. You know what you want from this person, from this new journey. You are grown up, you are mature. Agreed, that your new journey has a lot of unknowns, but so what? They will be with you as much as you vowed to be there for them. Or so you believed. As you ride along, you realize they just want you for all the good you do for them. But don’t make the mistake of expecting anything in return! You think it’s love. You think the more love you give , the more you’ll receive. Isn’t that what you were taught all these years? But here is life teaching you a new lesson, a name for which you don’t have yet. You just vowed to spend the rest of your life with a person who just wants to take and never give back. And take to such an extent that you start questioning your sanity. Everything they do for you always comes at a cost. It is always measured, always transactional. You start to question if love is indeed unconditional.

You try seeking help, but that is when you discover another shade of your “better” half. This shade is a mix of manipulation, lies, twisting your narrative and making you look like a crazy person. And all you can do is stand there and think “I gave up my life for this person?”. This, you realize, is what they call toxicity.

There are people who take ages to realize they are in toxic relationships and there are ones who understand and accept this quickly. I empathize with everyone going through something similar out there. Among all these negatives, one thing I am thankful for is that I belong to the latter group. The journey I thought would last a lifetime, is coming to an end.

Life takes turns in such unexpected ways. It makes you realize that you are never under full control of it. Now, whenever this happens, there are two choices. You can either get frustrated and want to give up. You may never want to try again. Or you can choose the option of questioning what life tried to teach you, be thankful for it and move on with positivity. Among all the things life has taught me so far, it is that as long as you have hope, perseverance and pure intentions, life will not give up on you. It is this hope that has kept me going till today and will take me further.