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The only word that travels through my body, but never leaves it, never reaching it's destination.

"I'm okay, everything is fine, nothing to be sad about." It's not like I don't want to speak, just can't.

Doing it on my own, like I always did. Everything is crumbling, but I'm the only one picking up the pieces. Lost fragments of myself, so I´m putting together what I was able to save, what I was able to find. Never the same, different me, different puzzle. The growing pain, the escalating chaos, crushing myself, my heart, my soul. I thought it was over, that I overcame the crazy kaleidoscope of emotions, but it spins again. Continuing as if nothing happened, incapable of reading myself. How pitiful do I have to look? Silly me.

Is it normal to be that broken? Can't be the only one.


Need a break, need to catch my breath, please, I'm begging you to stop time that is rushing me from one disaster to another. I promise it will change, and I will get stronger than this, but please, I need time to even get the chance to start somewhere in the first place.

The day will come when I catch the start and find the missing pieces. “Help” turns to “I survived” the chaos, found myself and I am on my way.

Stronger than ever, never the same. The puzzle of broken pieces is now a mosaic. Beautiful, different and unique. Catching the light and throwing motley patterns back. Throwing them on the depressing walls I am caged in, fighting back.

No one does it the same, so let it surprise yourself.

No one like me.

The way wasn't easy. I was stumbling, crawling, running, flying. I learned alone and found out the secret. Let me tell you: focus on the light. It will never leave you, though it helps you to break through. It might sound simple, disappointing and useless. I know I taught the same, but let me tell you I tried everything. Strings were torn, hopes ripped apart, and a never ending desire to end it all. Over and over again.

“Help” was all I could think of, all I prayed for.

Light has answered.

Light paved the way. Showed me the way out.

Always reachable, sometimes it is just not visible, it's hidden, covered, but always present. You might not believe me now, but I am convinced you will find it. Open your eyes, look inside your heart, and you will be surprised what you will find.

© Anna Vuletic 2022-08-31


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