01 THE EX

Mia Kim-Perri

by Mia Kim-Perri

Story

As I enter the apartment smiling, a groaning voice brings me back to reality. H. is watching “Fight Club”. On the sofa are crumbs of chips, on the heavy glass table are 5 beer bottles and the can with the weed. While watching Brad Pitt fight, H. eyes me with a strange look and says, “That took a long time.” I just say “yes” My ex continues to stare at me and says suspiciously, “You’re glowing. Did you get the job?” I just say, “Yes.” Suddenly, H. sits up straight. He looks at me in amazement and says, “As soon as you get rid of me, things start going well for you again.” Then he adds self-pityingly, “I’ve just been holding you up all this time.” It’s a trap, like the many traps of the last weeks and months. It would be better to change the subject, to pretend I didn’t hear that last sentence, but “Fight Club” is playing in the background, and if Edward Norton can break out of his life, so can I: “Yes, you did. You almost messed up my film studies.”

3 – He does not see me.

2 – He does not understand me.

1 – He will try to kill me.

The bomb explodes.

H. rumbles: “And what about all the other things I did for you, hey? I haven’t…” What follows is a pedantic list of “sacrifices,” like carrying down the garbage or picking me up at the train station. It’s a list full of bitter reckonings, as if the whole relationship had just been a tally sheet with the heading, “Who sacrificed more?” I realize it was never about me, or about us. I am interchangeable for H, a physically existent something to be made to fit into the framework of his crude idea of relationship. It wasn’t all bad. In the worst moments we have stuck together, but a common enemy is not enough to stay together. H. talks himself into a rage. He tries to make me feel guilty for something that didn’t work out in HIS life.

I go to my room, which used to be a shared bedroom. H follows me and rattles the door. Angry that I locked it, he kicks the door until little pieces chip off the door frame. At the sight of these tiny white pieces, even the last of us shatters. I push a shelf in front of the door and call the police. H. keeps kicking the door. Suddenly it is so quiet that I suspect something is about to happen. I start whispering while the officer tells me that I have to speak louder. I keep repeating my name and address while I open the window and wonder if I could make it to the lower balcony in one piece. Behind me the whole door shatters, the folders fall from the shelf, I scream out into the night. H. storms into the room. I try to shimmy out of the window, but he pulls me back into the room by my hair. Somewhere a bird is dying, goes through my mind. It’s impossible to get his hands off my neck. I run out of air. Starlets dance before my eyes. I’m dizzy as my hands grab something and thunder it at H.’s head. He staggers back.

I run into the kitchen and grab the biggest knife. It’s now or never. You could solve the problem now forever. You’d be rid of him forever.


© Mia Kim-Perri 2023-09-05

Genres
Novels & Stories
Moods
Dark, Emotional, Sad
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