10 Maybe

I’d need more than a lifetime to explain what I was feeling at that moment. I arrived at the studio of your company and saw you sitting on a couch while watching something on your phone. As I was walking towards you, you noticed me, stood up and we shook hands. I touched you for the first time, your beautiful hand. I knew it was real, I could feel it. And I knew I loved you. My entire body was pounding. You were smiling your “upside-down smile” that was melting my heart. I really hoped you wouldn’t notice my butterflies from head to toe.

We started to work on the new song, on our song. I was trying my best to focus on the work and come up with good ideas, but I always caught myself losing myself in your eyes. Especially when you didn’t look at me, I saw it as my one and only chance to admire your beauty, and the moment you moved your eyes towards my direction, I was so overwhelmed that I truly didn’t know how to act, so I just tried to pretend like I was thinking about a melody. When I was focusing on you, I lost the ability to think, talk and do anything. When would the day finally come when I’d be allowed to look at you for hours and days without worrying about you “catching” me, without having to pretend that I wouldn’t fall in love with you more and more? Would you ever love me and give me the permission to look at you for as long as I’d want to?

Many hours had already passed, and before going home, we planned on meeting every day for a week in order to finish our project. We’d already come up with a name for our song: “Maybe”. A love song about two people falling in love at first sight, them being together for the rest of their lives and thinking about what would’ve happened if they maybe would’ve met earlier and in a totally different place, like an encounter on the vacant streets on a snowy evening. We were the only ones working on “Maybe”, from writing to producing everything.

One of my biggest dreams was coming true, and I knew I didn’t deserve it. But I loved it. Oh, how I loved the fact that I was going to see you every day. It would be such a miracle. And I asked myself how I’d ever be able to think straight while having you next to me, because whenever I’d see you “in real life” and we’d spend some time together, I’d just lose my mind, my heart would beat dozens of times faster than it should, I‘d feel the pulse in my entire body, my face would probably be shockingly red the entire time, and I’d be so excited and happy that I’d be afraid of overreacting or getting on your nerves.

Before meeting you, you’d been the reason for my smile and happiness for nearly four years, although I’d only seen you on my screen. Then, suddenly, I knew there was even more happiness in life than I’d ever felt combined, and that was when you were with me. I was way too happy. I felt too much joy and love for you to be able to describe it in words. As always, words weren’t enough when referring to you.
I was so in love with you, and it wasn’t painful at all. I was still afraid you wouldn’t love me back and we wouldn’t be together for the rest of our lives, but when I was with you, I could only feel joy. Only you mattered. And I was planning on confessing everything to you soon. I didn’t know how, but I had to.