3

Minutes later, she found herself in a small corner cafe in Shoreditch. The cappuccino sitting on the table came with a smiley face drawn in the foam. Nova lost herself in it, trying to cancel out everything; every noise, every memory, every thought. She tried to imagine a world in which her mother hadn’t forced her to become a famous model. Subsequently, she tried to imagine a world where her mother wasn’t even part of her life. It seemed peaceful. It seemed right.

*

The bathwater had gone cold and made the skin on her fingertips sodden. Still, she didn’t bother coming out of the tub. The sun began to set and, through the bathroom window, drew orange squares onto the tile walls. Nova closed her eyes. This was peace in its dullest form.

A knock on the door startled her into consciousness. 

“Nova? Are you in there?”, her mother yelled in her unmistakably harsh voice. Nova didn’t answer. In fact, she closed her eyes again, sliding further down in the bathtub so half her face was underwater. “Nova? Nova!”, her mom was screaming by now, knocking relentlessly. She was overtaken with anger rather than experiencing any kind of fear or worry for her daughter. “Open the door!”

No reaction.

“Okay, I’m counting”, she threatened now. Just like she’d done it when I was still a kid, Nova remembered. “Three, two”, she started. Then, it was silent again. No sign of surrender. “One!”

Nova slid all the way down to the bottom of the tub. The chill water made her adrenaline rush for a moment. The heavy, but familiar sound of being underwater filled her ears. Nova heard her mother shouting and scolding, however the words reached her muffled and hazy, as if from a distant source. The constant knocking caused the water to create little ripples on the surface. Nova imagined herself diving in the ocean, exploring coral reefs. Nova imagined herself happy.

She popped up again, sticking her head out of the water. She couldn’t hold back a gasp for air. This must’ve given her away, because her mother’s screams abruptly ceased.

“Wait”, she said in a reproachful tone, “is this you trying to kill yourself?”