3. Survive

‘Prioritize your safety.’
He did not know whether to laugh or cry. He had done everything that was asked of him. He had spent months trapped in that clinic and endured those awful voices telling him day after day that it was going to be fine. What was going to be fine?
He had put everything on the line because he wanted to live. Oh, how foolish he had been. It had taken bruises all over his body and waking up abandoned in a dark alley for him to realize that he was only ever meant to survive.
The empty feeling in his soul had grown until it consumed his sanity and he did the only thing that would ever give him eternal peace. He collected countless pills, chucked them into a bright red cup and brought it to his lips. As his head became heavy and hit the floor, he smiled.
That smile, however, was quickly replaced with a frown when he woke up in a blindingly white room with several wet faces leaning over him.
Again he had failed because he was foolish: Why would life ever grant him a victory?
He had swapped schools and lived the exact same, awfully restricted life all over again because those people had promised him a safety that would never exist. Every time he entered a room, he felt like Caesar entering the Senate, only that his pain would never cease. Every time somebody referred to him as a ‘boy’ and every time somebody addressed him with that name felt like a stab in the back.
Sometimes, he simply could not bear it anymore and made an escape. ‘Discipline case’ is what teachers called him for not letting them see his tears. He had attended every single class today and could barely hold it together much longer. He could not tolerate another person calling him-
‘Justin?’ He flinched back in surprise and looked up to see a student suddenly hovering over him. It’s that person who sits next to you in math, his brain helpfully supplied.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.’ Bailey chuckled nervously. ‘Do you mind if I sit here?’ Unable to find a reason to deny them, he gave a small nod.
With a food-filled platter in tow, Bailey flopped down on a chair next to him. Glancing over the table, he noticed his own plate sitting a few inches away, still untouched and probably cold from the wait.
After silently eating for a couple of minutes, Bailey started rummaging through their bag and slid a polished pencil in his direction. ‘You dropped it on the first day and I picked it up.’ Their lips bend upwards to form a small grin, and they looked at him expectantly.
‘Uh, thanks.’ He cringed at the sound of his hoarse voice and avoided eye contact. Peering downwards, he noticed a small hair clip that had fallen out of Bailey’s bag. It was decorated with a tiny flag consisting of five stripes. The two outermost ones were colored baby blue, followed by two pink lines and a white one in the middle. Could they be…? No, surely not.
Apparently, he was not very subtle about his observation because Bailey handed him the clip and told him to try it on. Hesitating only for a second, he combed back his disheveled hair and was pleasantly surprised as a warm feeling bubbled up in his chest.
Sad to say, the moment was not meant to last. He noticed a reflection of his face in the window and his walls came crashing down. What was he doing? This is exactly what he was trying to avoid.
With tears stinging his eyes, he grabbed his bag and made a run for it.