5 February 2025

I woke up, my alarm screaming in my ear.

I don’t even know why I still write in this stupid, childish journal. I guess to not go insane. Or maybe just to have something that listens, even if it’s just paper.

Anyway. Another day.

I got dressed. Same hoodie as yesterday. Not on purpose, I just didn’t care enough to pick a different one. No one noticed. No one ever does.

Downstairs, Mom was already halfway out the door, talking into her phone with one hand, coffee in the other. She glanced at me, did the whole “Did you sleep? Did you eat? Are you alive?” thing with her eyes, but didn’t actually say any of it out loud. I grabbed a piece of toast, muttered something that could pass as a goodbye, and left.

The bus was too loud. People were awake in a way I just wasn’t. Someone laughed too hard at something dumb. Someone else shoved past me without looking. I put my earbuds in, even though my phone was dead. Habit.

At school, nothing happened. Or maybe a million things happened, just none that had anything to do with me.

First period: Some pop quiz I definitely failed.

Second period: Teacher went on a rant about how we’re all lazy and entitled.

Third period: I wrote my name over and over again in the margin of my notebook. I don’t know why.

Lunch was the usual. I sat at the usual table, with the usual people, who had the usual conversations. I listened. I nodded. I laughed when everyone else laughed. I barely said anything, but no one pointed it out, so maybe that’s just normal now.

It’s weird. Sometimes I think I could stop talking completely and nothing would change.

History was about some guy who changed the world. One of those names that’s in every textbook, every test. I wonder if he ever had days where he just existed. If he ever felt like nothing he did mattered until suddenly, it did.

Got home. Lay in bed. Scrolled through my phone. No notifications. Checked my texts just in case – nothing new. I started typing something to Ben, stared at it for too long, then deleted it.

Mom knocked on my door. Asked how my day was. I said, “fine.” She asked if I was sure. I said, “yeah.” She stood there for a second, then let it go.

It’s funny – if you say something enough times, people just believe it.

I should probably sleep.