The night after the funeral, I dozed off in my bed as I rubbed my lips with my index finger, still feeling the pressure of Kind’s lips lingering on mine. Suddenly, I imagined his ashes clinging in the inside of my mouth and coating my tongue, so I stood up, screamed, and moved frantically around my room until I stopped gasping and freaking out. The breeze inside my room struck my hollow body so harshly I thought I’d snap in two, and I simply couldn’t decide what to do with myself. So, after an unnecessarily-long Radiohead karaoke session, I dragged myself slowly to Kind’s room. I told the receptionist that I was his girlfriend and that I had to pick up my things from his room so she would give me the key. She smiled at me kindly and stood up to cry somewhere else after I turned around. There must have been something about my eyes.
I found Kind’s gaming laptop inside his room. He had bought it during one of our drunkest nights in Archie’s room, after Memory spent seven hours begging him to buy it so they could play video games together. The password we collectively chose when it arrived was “Memoryisanidiot1234.”
After I logged in, I found all of Kind’s chats still open. At the top of his messages were over two hundred missed messages and calls from his long-distance girlfriend, Alicia.
I thought he was single.
TEXT ENTRIES BETWEEN ALICIA AND KIND (NEWEST)
ALICIA: Baby, I’m getting really worried. Where are you? You never do this
ALICIA: Well I hope you use protection with her smh. In what position you got her now?
ALICIA: Baby I was kidding I miss you baby please text me back I’m really worried
ALICIA: You’ve been gone for a day now where are you? I’ve been crying what’s going on?
ALICIA: Please let me know you are okay I’m really really scared. I really need you right now
I spent the next hour reading back through most of their messages. They had been dating for a little bit less than seven months. Kind approached her first, after he fell for her looks on the streets of Vienna. He found her profile on a dating app later that same day after searching for hours. However, as it turned out, she was just visiting the country and was bound to go back to Vietnam in a couple of weeks. They dated for those two weeks and decided to give themselves a chance after they fell in love. They faced many changes and challenges together, at a long distance. They cared for each other, from simple things like pushing each other to go to the gym, to the death of her father and his dog. They promised each other they would die of old age together and have four babies. They also promised each other never to cheat on one another and never to lie to one another.
My mind felt horror, and I was hollow. I was the embodiment of a broken promise.
What does this make of me?
© Diego Ballesteros 2024-05-06