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Alina Kurpel

by Alina Kurpel

Story

With even greater determination, I set to work on documents for scholarships and universities: “My plan has nothing to do with this person.” So, what did I want THERE? I should have formulated the answer long ago; it should have been ready to roll off my tongue for conversations with parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. But for some reason, it was not easy. I could share well-thought-out reasons from my motivation letters, where I talk about developing my career in art journalism and the significance of European culture and experience. Yet that was not entirely true. Something else was driving me. Moments of happiness like THERE, I have never experienced in my life before. Maybe it was worth admitting that much of this was connected to Kim?

It all went really fast. Within a week, I announced I was leaving my radio program. I made this decision lightly. Over four years in one place, with a tiny salary my dad called “ice cream money,” and on top of that Sasha and his feelings. Two weeks later, I found a new job at one of the city TV channels. They were setting up an online editorial team for the channel’s website and social media, and my résumé was just on time.

On one hand, it was pretty cool—a recognizable city brand. On the other hand, the TV channel funded by the city budget did not seem like a place for a free spirit. The one who pays the piper calls the tune. I allowed myself to take this on: “Just half a year, and then I’ll be off to study in Europe.”

I was really afraid of encountering crazy pro-Putin fanatics. Instead, I met people who critically perceives the reality and wanted to be honest and truthful in what they were doing. We had a lot of freedom, especially on social media. We covered all the important news and mostly could do it relatively objectively. “No, things aren’t as bad as they are believed to be,” I thought, enthusiastically diving into something new, not well-known, and thus even more interesting.

My endless sequence of life undergone a change. Still university and motivations—CVs—recommendations, but no messages anymore. It felt so empty and painful. I flinched at every sound of the phone, even though there was nothing to wait for. Another loss—the radio—was almost imperceptible. I did not miss it, but I did miss theaters. Fortunately, Sasha partially compensated for this theatrical longing. He often invited me to one play or another—a theater critic always has +1 press pass.

Once after a play, Sasha invited me to a café. Of course, we had done this before, but this time he decided to talk about us. I told Sasha I could not even think of starting something new right away—a very important chapter had just ended. The fact that Kim and I were long-distant did not change much for me—this person had filled my entire life for a whole year. Sasha suggested we stay friends—he did not want to lose such a wonderful person. For me, it felt like the best option. However, afterward, I only saw Sasha once.

© Alina Kurpel 2023-08-29

Genres
Novels & Stories