8. Breakdown

Alex did not trust himself to speak. He was afraid of his voice breaking at any moment and tried with all his might to suppress the tears behind his eyes.
His insides felt like a gigantic glass jar that slowly filled with water and pulled him down with its ever-growing weight. More fluids were consequently added with every stressful task, every uncomfortable memory, and every tiny side remark. In his stomach, they turned into acid and gradually dissolved him from the inside out until the pressure was overwhelming.
A hand landed on his back and he found Bailey stalking close behind him. Quietly, they inquired whether he was feeling alright and Alex could hear the genuine concern in their voice. He opened his right hand and tapped the thumb against his chest. I’m fine.
‘Are you sure?’ they tried again.
This time, he could not hold himself back and lashed out. ‘I’m fine, just leave me alone!’ Alex nearly screamed and immediately regretted it. Before he could get another word out, a shuffle behind them drew his attention.
‘Would you, young ladies, mind taking a picture of us?’ An elderly couple approached and held a camera in their direction. Eagerly, Audrey snatched it and got in position. She had tied her hair in two buns and put some of the clothes on she had bought only an hour before.
Like turned to stone, Alex stared at the action helplessly as the last drop fell in place and tipped the scale. All the suppressed emotions and everything he had been trying to hold back came over him in one colossal wave.
Two simple words… ‘Young ladies’ … And the dam broke.
Croaking something along the lines of needing air, he stormed out of the door and jogged away from the shopping center. As first tears escaped his eyes and slid down his face, Alex quickened his pace and ran towards a familiar site.
When he finally arrived, he collapsed against a tree and let himself cry. Nothing could be heard around him except for his silent sobbing and birds chirping on branches high above. The peace, however, did not remain for long as footsteps could be heard drawing closer. Alex turned his back to whoever was approaching, but they simply chuckled and sat down beside him.
‘Remember how we would get lost on purpose, so we could come here and play in the sun?’ Bailey reminisced. They watched Alex with a fond look on their face and his heart clenched. He formed his hand to a fist and moved it in circles in front of his chest. Sorry.
‘Are you feeling better?’ Bailey signed.
Alex thought about it for a second and then replied. ‘Yes. It was just all too much. I’m worried about my job interview next week.’
He sighed and took a deep breath. ‘I don’t know whether to introduce myself as a guy or girl. It makes me uncomfortable every time, but I really want this summer job.’
He closed his eyes and took a moment to reflect. He loved sign language because it was a lot more respectful than verbal communication. You have to constantly pay attention and look at your partner, or it will never work. On the other hand, it can be just as easily dismissed by a single person averting their gaze.
‘You should do what makes you most comfortable,’ Bailey advised. ‘I would love to continue this talk, but I left Audrey and told her to wait for us. So, we should better get back.’
Alex laughed and grabbed their hand. Together, they ran back to the mall, but Audrey was nowhere to be found.