9

14.08.2016

How on earth could I let the course of a few days make me doubt something I’ve been working on for so long? I simply don’t understand. Am I this easily influenced by those who I surround myself with? Am I so out of touch with myself that I am unable to assess and stick to what I really want? Jesus Fuckin Christ, get it together!

No for real, get a grip.

I’m about to embark on the, for now, most interesting part of my life. Something I’ve never even come close to attempting before. I’m moving out of my house in Berlin to the capital of Korea for 4 years. A country on the other side of the earth, on a different continent. I am moving there to live alone in a country whose language and culture are foreign to me.

8.08.2016

The night before, Tom had invited me to go to yet another beer garden with him and his friends. We had a fun evening and he ended up inviting me to an event he was attending the next day at the Four Seasons Hotel. He told me to dress fancy. I dressed up as well as I could with the limited supply of clothes that I brought. The next night we met at the event, just as we had discussed.

My Uber dropped me off in front of the Four Seasons. There were fancy cars and expensively dressed guests everywhere. Just as we always saw these events in Gossip Girl, it was now the case in my reality. With people who didn’t even give employees a glance and wore accessories that were price-wise equivalent to a Vespa.

I swallowed my discomfort and nervousness and trudged toward the entrance with put-on confidence. Since he had put my name on the guest list, getting in was no problem, thank goodness.

As soon as I entered, I was immediately surrounded by a huge crowd. The gala was packed. Tom spotted me and escorted me outside to the pool and cabana area where the open bar I had been promised was located. He didn’t come alone, however. Outside stood Caleb in a tailored suit, black as the night, which accentuated his pale skin even more, looking in our direction. I overcame my nervousness again and walked toward him as if nothing had happened a few nights before.