A morning in my memory

Alejandro C. Hidalgo

by Alejandro C. Hidalgo

Story

I gasp for oxygen in the cold night air, exalted by a nightmare that has haunted my dreams. I feel cold sweat running down my back, my pulse racing and my mind struggling to distinguish reality from fantasy.

Distressed and lost, I feel saved by the warmth of your skin on my skin, the blankets on the bed protect us from a cold autumn morning, while the cheerful song of sparrows echoes through the window.

The worst is over. I try not to move abruptly, to not wake you from your peaceful slumber. Your body rests on my arm while your silky hair covers my shoulder.

Your face reflects how peaceful and calm the world is in which you are now, flying through fluffy clouds or swimming in infinite oceans; I can’t help but be moved by your sleeping beauty, by the tranquility that emanates from me as I lie next to you at this moment. This immense love I have for you is unavoidable.

A voice inside me tells me, that it is you with whom I want to share my life. It is you with whom I want to listen to the song of the birds every morning. It is you who enlivens my dreams and enlightens my days.

However, nightmares and fears flood my being with doubts and insecurities.

Am I really who you deserve?

Am I capable of being who you need when you feel the world falling apart? Am I good enough to be able to share this life with you? Questions and questions dance incessantly in my thoughts, as anguish presses my chest incisively, the nightmare doesn’t seem to be over.

Just as anxiety is about to break my being, to leave me lost in doubt and abyss, a glance, the vast blue of an immense sea brings me peace.

“Good morning… I’m still very tired.” I hear those halting words from your still sleepy self with an angelic voice.

“Good morning beautiful,” I reply firmly, certain that I want to share my life with you no matter what.

“The question of the morning is… what are we having for breakfast?” you say, chuckling as you reach out your arms to hug me. Your eyelids struggle against the tiredness that is still leaving your body with every word you utter.

“Do you want pancakes and a strawberry milkshake?”

“I do!” Excitement lights up your face and fills it with tender giggles and unceasing joy. Seeing you happy disperses all existing doubts.

If I am not that person you deserve, I have the will to improve every day until I am. Until we deserve each other, to share dreams and dances, laughs and talks, to reach the end of every day loving each other with tenderness and keeping memories forever.

© Alejandro C. Hidalgo 2022-08-29