A. (part 4)

RDA

by RDA

Story

I landed back in Vilnius during the summer of 2016.

I remember walking around and thinking “Damn, I missed it”. When I feel something intensely, I take a picture of a detail that can remind me of it in the future. That day I even decided to share it on FB.

What I didn’t know was that I would have received a message from A.

A and I started seeing each other right away.

We spent time making love, smoking, listening to old French music, or watching black & white films.

I knew part of his world. I thought, at one point, that I was part of it. But A. was unpredictable, and that never allowed me to trust him completely.

A. was a narcissistic bastard, and he had me in his grasp. And he knew it. And I knew that he knew it.

If I could go back, I would slap myself.

We have played R&A’s love game for years. I was getting more and more tired of his attitude, which I just couldn’t get enough of.

It was 2018.

It was the morning of the day after St. Patrick’s Day.

A. came to my house.

We looked at each other and found ourselves changed. We smiled. Then we lay in bed, hugged, and fell asleep.

I woke up around lunchtime. I made coffee. I looked out of my flat overlooking the cathedral square. It was sunny. I found myself feeling that impulse to run away that has always distinguished me.

I went to my room. I stood in the doorway and began to stare at A.

He woke up and said “what are you doing there? Come back here”.

“I want to get out. You can stay until you recover. Make sure you lock the door tightly and leave the keys inside the mailbox”.

He got up and got dressed.

He looked at me strangely.

I’m sure he knew something was wrong.

“I feel confused. I don’t know if any of this makes sense anymore” – I said.

He never answered me.

He gave me a kiss on the forehead and walked out.

And by walking out I mean that he walked out from me, from us.

© RDA 2023-02-26