A planned grief is always better than a sudden joy

The train back home got cancelled and when I say home, I mean a small room where i sit with my hands numb from holding ghosts for too long.

The train back home got cancelled and I asked strangers how I could get back home.& they start giving me philosophical dramatic answers about what & where home is -exactly like i did in the second line-

Actually, I don’t really mind it. I am the master of turning every joke into a philosophical dark discussion. I am also known for my unbelievable ability to turn every warm heart that loves me into an ice cube -only towards me- cold enough it will never melt in the summer. I should give myself some credit though. I can turn a boring night walk to a lovely night. I can make a normal song your favorite song after I explain to you what do they mean with the text.

No, I didn’t miss my train back home, it got cancelled. It wasn’t my fault – I tell myself to make things easier-

I am never late, never forget my stuff. I will check if I have my wallet 10 times before I go out. I will read your text 29 times to analyse it and find out what you really mean. If I am writing to someone in a foreign language, I’ll check if Google translate agrees with me first. I would plan everything so that I won’t leave any room for surprises. A planned grief is always better than a sudden joy. I don’t even have dreams, because I call them plans. My wishes are a check list that was checked long ago.

Some would say it is a bit too much, but I would say, if I’m too much, then go find less & I don’t know about you, but I think it is super funny that I am justifying my overthinking, but it has been working like a charm so far. Anything could happen, you have seen it coming before & people’s behaviorwill only prove you right. Try it once and join the club!