Act your age – find hell – …

Joe_Maxime

by Joe_Maxime

Story

Act your age

Never be serious or act like your age. Who again made the rules for acting correctly for any age? Are there any or are there just expectations which are nonsense? Act the way you feel right now. And most importantly, play – relearn to play.

Have fun. Enjoy life.

Find hell

I don’t think I will find my peace by doing nothing. By doing nothing, I found hell. I feel like I am in hell, and I am staying there by choice. Letting my thoughts slowly rip me apart.  I have so much time and so little experience and strength to control this massive number of thoughts running me over.

I thought I needed a break from my life. I gave a little too much of my energy. Now I have learned I do not need a full-time break. A full-time break has the opposite effect of solving my problematic thinking. I thought I needed time to let my thoughts run through my mind – to fully heal my body, mind and soul. I now see I restricted my dopamine too much. I forgot to live in this phase of giving myself a break. By this, I excluded myself from getting more energy from other people. I have learned now how much energy I got back, the whole reason why I could go for so long. Yes, in total, I gave too much energy. I will learn to give less or balance it more by doing and not by thinking about it. It is my pattern; you can also call it my character to give energy when I follow the dopamine.

I allow myself to rest on activities which will shut down my brain. I want to rest in activities, so I can create balance to my life. I think I must accept my style of living. Working on projects which represent the variety of my character and will make me happy.

Adulting

Becoming an adult is living with the consequences of your mistakes. Nobody taught you how to avoid them.

Healing stops here …

I judged myself for not living. I judged myself for not being healed enough. Based on my personal feeling of getting triggered too often.  Never had enough time to heal, wounds always triggered while being in my busiest moments of life. Felt like I did never have the time to heal (fully). Now I have taken my time. I had the time to heal full time. You know what – I never want to heal full time again. It costs too much energy. Healing cannot be sped up – it is never finished.

Healing will not be my first priority anymore. I want to live first, trigger as many wounds and feel as much as I possibly can while I am doing everything I want to do. To live and heal by living to the fullest.


Freedom

We are looking for something binding in a world full of freedom.

© Joe_Maxime 2024-01-28

Genres
Spirituality, Biographies