Arrival

She arrived in the city at night. The port area was dark, and she did not know her way around. In the distance there were lights, music and probably people. That was where she decided to go. Her money was tied around her waist, under her clothes, where nobody could see it, only she could feel it. The other part of the money was in her bag, but it was only a small portion. It would not leave her helpless if it got stolen. Her grandmother gave her all of it. A young woman, alone in a new country was in danger if she did not have enough funds. Grandmother knew that and did not want her to be vulnerable. Concordia did not need help as long as she could pay her way out of any situation. It was enough for a start, but not enough to not have a plan. She needed to get work and get an education. Physical skill and mental skill would see her through any society, at least that was what she hoped for.

The dark streets seemed calm, and they were pretty with their old houses and trees, but she was not at ease. Somebody could always jump on her, and so she walked as fast as she could without running. She unzipped her jacket as she could feel her armpits growing wet from her pace and fear. The air was warm, she only wore shorts and a tank top underneath the thin jacket, but it was still too much clothing. The chaos in her head and the need for more movement in her life made her overheat faster than other people. She was always too hot. Always felt too much excitement for all the things she could do with her life and for all the things that hurt in the past.

The sweat was rolling down her back when she finally made it to the lights, music and people. There was the smell of booze in the air and people chatting and laughing. Tables on the street were crowded, and it took a while to find an empty one. The waiter brought her a beer, sneaking a look at her as she pretended to look at the glass. She wondered if he saw how beautiful she was or if he saw how disgusting she was, moist from sweat and dirty clothes that she had spent the past days in. It was the most important thing that people thought she was beautiful, it was what she had going for herself. It also seemed very important to others. They loved it when she lost weight. They were excited when she wore make-up. They asked her if she was okay when she did not. They wanted her to eat less when her trousers got tighter. They told other girls to look more after themselves, like she did. So yes, it was important to her.

After discreetly wiping her sweat off with a napkin, she asked the people next to her table for a lighter and cheered them with her beer. Cigarettes and alcohol were what got you talking to others when you did not know a soul. It was a group of young women, another one arrived and seeing Concordia talking to the group, she assumed she was one of them and sat next to her, joining the tables. Without taking a breath, the new arrival started talking about the idiot that may or may not be cheating on her with one of her teachers. The idiot was also her teacher. They ordered another round. The idiot had asked Lydia out first, asked her out again and again until he said he wanted to be serious. They ordered another round. Now Lydia had to see him every day, pretending like nothing ever happened because he was her teacher. They ran out of cigarettes. Concordia had found her first anchor that made her feel like she could be happy here. Lydia.