B L I T H E

As I light up my scented candles in my room, a blithe air lashes out at me, leaving me, once again, in darkness. A tear rush, a blue heart, and a breathless heave. This curse of serendipity left me torn in pieces, as has every chapter I have written. This storage of remembrance is fierce and forceful. A flashback strikes, invading my soldiering, sturdy heart in the solitude of calamity. Scent of imminent agony, rage, and abdication imbues the room. This aching heart shall be the death of me. By night, I sought solace in her as I hastened to retrieve a blighted haven. Hearing her sublime voice is all my heart desires. I am her. I am every part of her. I am all of her. I mutter to myself, I ache for you. Ferociously, I gathered all the strength left in me to make this call. In a shaking voice, I blithely utter those three words, “I love you!” as silence prevails, ailing me for eternity. Forgive me, for I have succumbed. Forgive me, for I have saddened you. Forgive me, for I have solaced you. Forgive me…

Rain pours down as my tears fall down. A forlorn attempt to flee. Emphatically and empathetically, I escaped this secluded cage to bathe, immerse, and clean my wounded, bleeding heart in awe. Seeking forgiveness, yet blindly bypassing self-forgiveness, only to realize that to forgive is to demolish the house of memories brick by brick. To forgive is to dig out, with bare hands, the bullet of bereavement bored through one’s chest. To forgive is to escape time. To forgive is to give a different ending to each chapter that crashed and crushed into shreds. I aimlessly wandered, whiling away until dawn, to finally settle on a bench by the harbour, soaking wet and drained of memories, wondering if I could ever find peace while in pieces. Shattered and shredded, I shuddered in search of a shield. As long as I am safe, as long as I am faraway, as long as I am me, as long as I am her. I closed my eyes, and I could almost see her. I could almost feel her as the warm dawnlight softly touched my freckled red cheeks. In serenity, I remained lifeless. The scent of earthy petrichor emanating from the early rainfall gradually dissipates as the adolescent reveries continue. Strings of light, at first blush, obliterate the painful memory of this day. But could they ever fade away?

To forget is to abridge benighted nemesis cities, to eradicate a green ground in the wilderness by means of self-preservation. To forget is to extinguish an everlasting flame in one’s marrow soul. To forget is to suffocate sorely in the silence of an unfathomable sea of sorrow. To forget is to seethe quietly into the blue. To forget is to forgive. Therefore, I acquit myself. Between the sea of sorrow and the surface of blitheness, my soul could be serene. I opened my eyes to catch a breath of the blueness. Blackbirds fly swiftly and serenely amid breathtaking scenery. Would I ever be able to fly as high? Would I ever be able to rise above the sea of sorrow? Would I ever be able to forgive and forget?

With persistence and patience, I deliberately hold onto every word she ever said to me as strongly as I hold onto her necklace around my neck until the day I die. Her words are sharper than knives yet softer than talc, and I owe it to myself to honour them with every living breath. She is me, and I am her. I am her…