Best friend or Bekannte?

Since it’s been 3 months now, I can say I have a handful of best friends. I got to meet Charlotte, who is a super cool person. For our first getting to know session, we went to the nearby Indian restaurant, and it was a great time, though the food tasted more German than Indian with green vegetables in Biryani and less authentic. She helped me with my insecurities, and we shared our perspectives on many things. She loves even the worst watery sambar that I make and is interested in trying the food every time I cook. We are very similar emotionally, which makes me feel that my bond with her will last a long time. She encourages me to socialise with people when I get into my shy and introverted mode.

Ronja, on the other hand, is a perfectionist and has her own set of rules, which is entirely opposite to my own character. I prefer going with the flow of life, since my plans don’t usually work anyway. As soon as I met her, I had a feeling that I had known her for a long time. I saved her name as “Onya” the first time because I didn’t hear her say the “R.” She is friendly and helpful. On our first walk to the city, I asked if her parents were looking for a groom for her, and she had to laugh out loud and tell me that such a process doesn’t exist here. I felt pity for Western people because one might die alone if they don’t find someone. An arranged marriage could have been a great help there.

Theo is such a good friend that I could ask him any stupid questions, to which he is always ready to answer. Additionally, he had a volunteering year in India, some years ago, which helps him understand my thought process most of the time. I could learn many things about my country through him. We talk about environmental issues, global warming, and many other topics. I feel he is very intelligent and knowledgeable for his age (he is 22 years old).

It’s his birthday today, so I invite him to the best pizza place in Halle. I tell him how much I appreciate him for always being there for me and mention that I now have a very few best friends – Ronja, Charlotte, and him. I ask if he feels the same. After a moment, he says, “Na..I would say you are a Bekannte,” meaning an acquaintance in German, not a friend. My heart breaks, like a shattered mirror, to hear that I’m not even considered a friend yet. Our friendship status seems to be stuck on loading……

This already spoils my day, but I gather my courage and ask him how long it would take to become a friend of his. His shocking answer is, “Maybe 2 years? To call you a friend, I need to know everything about you – your likes, dislikes, interests, and more, and we’re not there yet.” Well, I will be here only for a year, which means I might not have any friends at the end of my volunteering year. I am shocked and didn’t expect this from the ever-friendly Theo. As soon as we get back after dinner, I run to Charlotte and Ronja and ask if I’m their friend (I don’t expect much now, just that they see me as a friend, even if not their best friend). They say yes, of course, and ask what’s wrong. I explain my dinner story and the “Bekannte” comment. Their reassurance lightens my heart, and the broken pieces of my heart slowly come back together. I’m pretty sure “Bekannte” is a word that I’ll never forget in German.