Bilingual Bantering

How can you have trust issues when you’re such an open person?
I like to have guests in my mind
I like to share, so I can get different aspects on my problems
but guests have a limited time in my house of mind
they don’t stay long and aren’t allowed so
if someone’s trying to stay for too long
I get uncomfortable
I want them to get out of my head
You’re just allowed here in opening times
please leave now
















How beautiful it is
when you’re done
with someone who hurt you
how awful it is
when someone’s done with you
who’s good for you

Sometimes it feels like I did not love anyone I once said “I love you” to.
I just feel empty and as if I didn’t love but just survived them.
And I am left with an big emptiness in me.
My therapist says I need to learn to love myself but who am I really? “Just listen to yourself, listen deeply into your soul.”
I listen but there’s complete silence. Silence, I try to fill with mistakes it seems.
Am I faking everything? Am I the cute and helpful friend everybody sees in me?
Or am I as morbid as my thoughts?
Filling silence with laughter so I don’t hear the voices in my head screaming I should end it all.
Since I was young I have the gut feeling a dark shadow follows me anywhere I go.
So I just started talking to myself. To fill the void.
To escape the silence. So I have anyone to talk to.
But who’s the person answering? Is it the person whom my therapist says I need to learn to love?
Or is it the darkness following me?